For example, she’ll say, “You just pushed me because I’m black!” No, I pushed you because the train was coming right at you, you bulimic twit. Audio CD – Unabridged, September 30, 2014, Penguin Audio; Unabridged edition (September 30, 2014). We only made it a third of the way through this "diary" because it's simply NOT funny - seems more mean spirited and bitchy without a coating of Joan's usual clever humor. Red-eyed in from L.A. Found myself sitting next to someone who was the spitting image of my cousin Leon. Your recently viewed items and featured recommendations, Select the department you want to search in. He was very good. I've recommended this book to EVERYONE I know, who needs a "pick me up." In fact, Charlie turned down the opportunity to narrate a PBS special I had written on anti-Semitism called Stop Bothering the Hebes. And there’s something else I just can’t make sense out of. Forget about Anais Nin, Anne Frank, and that whiner Sylvia Plath. She just is. This is the Diary of a Mad Diva . Following up the phenomenal success of her headline-making, The Book of Joan: Tales of Mirth, Mischief, and Manipulation, Joan Rivers Confidential: The Unseen Scrapbooks, Joke Cards, Personal Files, and Photos of a Very Funny Woman Who Kept Everything. 0425269027. Trouble started today with AT&T. There are certain things I don't find funny--ever--like the Holocaust, But that's Joan Rivers. My daughter Sasha’s expecting! You could be jinxing the little motherfuckers. When JR's daughter Melissa gave her a diary for a Christmas gift, she could only think of was Anne Frank, which Joan couldn't emulate in … Joan Rivers was the most intelligent person I ever met. (It made me think: Do people have to represent their names? I hate AT&T. Something went wrong. I had a major, major affair with FDR, who, by the way, had a coupla fetishes. Too bad but don't bother investing in this one. Please try again. Take John Wayne Gacy, for example. I guess they didn’t see it the same way because I never heard from them again. "A no-holds-barred ... look at the everyday life of the ultimate diva. Today was our travel day back to New York. If you already LOVE Joan Rivers (as I always have), you will not be disappointed. I haven’t kept a diary in years. I resent that the networks think we’re so shallow, that because the president is black they have to keep doing cutaways only to smiling black people in the audience. 65 likes. One of these items ships sooner than the other. Read this book using Google Play Books app on your PC, android, iOS devices. Reviewed in the United States on November 15, 2018. To get the free app, enter your mobile phone number. There was a problem loading your book clubs. He’s a Parker Posey fan?” Then she did a little hopping, trembling motion, until I got it. Follow Joan on a family vacation in Mexico and on trips between New York and Los Angeles where she mingles with the stars, never missing a beat as she delivers blistering critiques on current events, and excoriating insights about life, pop culture, and celebrities (from A to D list), all in her ... signature style" … If you are already a Joan Rivers fan , you'll love it .Typical razor sharp wit , funny , and thought provoking . She tells NPR's Scott Simon, "I'm the one who says, 'The emperor has no clothes.' I said, “Stay home in bed with me. T g banks for this final gift. Reviewed in the United States on November 16, 2014. .”. Find all the books, read about the author, and more. The Diary of a Mad Diva author and longtime host of Fashion Police on E! Diary of a Mad Diva. ©2014 Joan Rivers (P)2014 Penguin Audiobooks Similarly, she doesn’t really think that all Germans are anti-Semitic Nazi sympathizers, that all Mexican Americans tunneled in across the border, that all celebrities are drug addicts, shoplifters or closet cases, or that Noah built his ark with non-union labor. Fuck Lamaze. Exhausted. Reviewed in the United States on October 26, 2014. Reviewed in the United Kingdom on October 2, 2017. What a bitch Bambi has turned out to be, to compare me to Anne Frank! Maybe if I was an American I would have enjoyed it more, as I hadn't heard of most of the celebrities mentioned. Enter your mobile number or email address below and we'll send you a link to download the free Kindle App. Tell some jokes, sell some jewelry on QVC, just hang with your peeps and smoke a little blunt?” instead of being self-involved and saying, “I was very busy: I drank a six-pack, made some clown paintings and fucked my cell mate. Perhaps it’s because they spent all those years carrying heavy stones on their heads to build their gloomy and useless temples. I’m writing this in Mexico. who’s she kidding? There’s even another bonus: the rhythmic hum of his ventilator can be so soothing it helps me go into REM sleep! She’s gonna be eating government cheese for two! John Galliano said “Non.” I think I’m going to sic Jerry Lewis on him. Without doubt the funniest book I have ever read. Read it as it was meant to be read, tongue in cheek. Comedienne, Emmy Award–winning TV host, Tony-nominated actress, Grammy-winner (for her audiobook of Diary of a Mad Diva) and CEO, Joan Rivers was an icon of American culture, a bestselling author, Celebrity Apprentice winner, writer, producer, director, and savvy businesswoman who overcame great odds to reinvent herself time and time again. You and I both know a hooker will fuck you, suck you, put things up your ass and call you dirty names, but she’ll never, ever kiss you. Forget about Anais Nin, Anne Frank, and that whiner Sylvia Plath. Apparently everybody in the country was invited to it except me. I believe to be a celebration of her life. And FYI, A.L. Why, why, why should blind people have apartments with park views? She has no ending! (I TiVoed it because last night I was watching the premiere episode of The Price Is Right with Winona Ryder.) Just got another no for my PBS special, Stop Bothering the Hebes. She’s so independent, for years I didn’t even know she was blind; I thought she was just a stuck-up cunt who never gave me a compliment like, “Have you lost weight? This is the Diary of a Mad Diva. It’s been almost a month since I insulted celebrities, shamed lesbos and made fat jokes about Aretha Franklin. I saw a new friendship starting: Sunday-night screenings, meeting at the dog run, sharing a house in Mexico . I don’t understand it. While Miss Rivers doesn’t really like skinny models and actresses, she doesn’t actually believe that they’re all bulimics and they all carry buckets instead of purses. Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 24, 2014. This is the Diary of a Mad Diva. Want to listen? The girl had nothing but time on her hands. I wish Obama would have livened the speech up a bit; given the crowd a wink, a smile, a bad-boy hip thrust. I’d hate to interrupt the Seder by adding a fifth question: “Were there no throw pillows in all of Amsterdam?”. Be careful what you name your kids. This is the Diary of a Mad Diva. This kills me. I had to keep wiping my eyes and taking deep breaths, but I got through it, overdosing on the endorphins it caused in me! A must have for the book shelves . If Chris Christie ever becomes president, will they only cut to Kathy Bates chewing and burping? When they get old they’re just going to be a neck and a smile.). Follow Joan on a family vacation in Mexico and on trips between New York and Los Angeles where she mingles with the stars, never missing a beat as she delivers blistering critiques on current events, and excoriating insights about life, pop culture, and celebrities (from A to D list), all in her relentlessly funny signature style. But why is KRTH playing him all day, all the time? The last time I kept one I had just come back from a girls-only weekend with Eleanor Roosevelt and her best friend, Gayle. Sold by Media Pros and ships from Amazon Fulfillment. There was an error retrieving your Wish Lists. We don’t share your credit card details with third-party sellers, and we don’t sell your information to others. Learn more about Diary of a Mad Diva in the Bartholomew County Public Library digital collection. Nothing and no one is spared, even Anne Frank and Heller Keller. Too bad but don't bother investing in this one. Last Girl Before Freeway: The Life, Loves, Losses, and Liberation of Joan Rivers. I let him switch positions every two hours so he wouldn’t cramp and, more importantly, so Maria wouldn’t slip and accidentally paint my ankles dusty coral. It was not funny , just bordering on slutty, language & situations that were supposed to make you laugh. She turned the day her husband, Ernie, a prominent Long Island orthodontist, left her for a fifty-three-year-old Little League coach/Boy Scout leader with a severe overbite. It was fun listening for a while, but the station played the same Eddie Money songs over and over and over and over and over again, all day long. In my day, people made eye contact. But the world's OTHER great diarist, Joan Rivers, is alive and kicking. In all fairness, she would be the first one to laugh at herself and poke at her worst traits: her numerous plastic surgeries, for example. With all of that “me time” available, why didn’t Anne’s mother redecorate? The stewardess had to take Dramamine before she came over to serve him. Try again. For the first time in a century, a diary by someone that’s actually worth reading. Her comedy has always been irreverent, and this book clearly represents her brand. Joan Rivers is the funniest comedian out there. You too will LOVE this book. Diary of a Mad Diva. The Nazis are coming up the . https://amzn.to/2KRIa30 Anais Nin, Anne Frank and Sylvia Plath wrote the world’s most famous diaries. After viewing product detail pages, look here to find an easy way to navigate back to pages you are interested in. Even at his busiest moments, like when he was waterproofing his crawl space, he always found time to look you right in the eyes and say, “What’d you do today, Joan? Miss Rivers is, after all, 235 years old, and frequently mistakes her daughter, Melissa, for the actor Laurence Fishburne. I expected something really funny, but it wasn't. Help others learn more about this product by uploading a video! Without doubt the funniest book I have ever read. Checks and plaids together? . Comedienne, Emmy Award–winning TV host, Tony-nominated actress, Grammy-winner (for her audiobook of Diary of a Mad Diva) and CEO, Brief content visible, double tap to read full content. For the first time in a century, a diary by someone that's actually worth reading. If you think Joan is not funny, then I can't even fathom why you would read this book. If you're looking for a serious read, a memoir, or details on Joan's life, you won't get them here. I stopped reading it before I got very far into the book. Forget about Anais Nin, Anne Frank, and that whiner Sylvia Plath. Unbelievably fabulous and incredibly funny!!!!! She lived in a walk-up; I live in a penthouse. My world was changed on that fateful day, and since then I’ve never been able to watch figure skating the same way. Maybe if I was an American I would have enjoyed it more, as I hadn't heard of most of the celebrities mentioned. I like the first two sentiments but boy-oh-boy is Obie wrong on number three. For the first time in a century, a diary by someone that’s actually worth reading. Yes, I know making fun of those two can be really bad taste, but sometimes we just need to laugh at everything and not take things too seriously. If you are already a Joan Rivers fan , you'll love it .Typical razor sharp wit , funny , and thought provoking . Dead. Tommy wins ten to one. I spent half the day in the car schlepping all over L.A. going from meeting to meeting, ass-kissing to ass-kissing. I miss you, Joan. And she says if anyone has a problem with that they can feel free to call her lawyer, Clarence Darrow. I don’t say this in a judgmental, pejorative way; I say it in a capitalistic way, because frankly, I have a jewelry line, and if they have no necks that means they can’t buy necklaces and that means that my beloved Cooper might have to go to some cheap community college, or worse, join the Peace Corps and work for free—for free!—helping other people who have no necks. Obvious!) I have nothing against Eddie Money; he seems like a lovely man. At times this book is laugh out loud hilarious, other times I gasped at some of the things she said. We’ll decoupage and watch Lifetime TV movies.” And he said, “Nope! For the first time in a century, a diary by someone that's actually worth reading. On July 26, 1989, she received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, in … Joan Rivers. 9780425269022. eBay Product ID (ePID) 175264803. Would it have killed Anne to take a couple of minutes out of her “busy” day and throw on a little blush? I’m starting to know how bacteria feel on the food chain. I forgave her bitterness. Instead, our system considers things like how recent a review is and if the reviewer bought the item on Amazon. Without doubt the funniest book I have ever read. It's a quick read & I laughed out loud many times. To get the free app, enter your mobile phone number. Later: Googled “lacrosse.” It’s a French-Canadian word. Product Identifiers. The Book of Joan: Tales of Mirth, Mischief, and Manipulation, Joan Rivers Confidential: The Unseen Scrapbooks, Joke Cards, Personal Files, and Photos of a Very Funny Woman Who Kept Everything. If I want to see millions of smiling black people, I’ll set up a camera in the hallway outside Kim Kardashian’s bedroom. What if Goldie has black roots? I tried to call the States and couldn’t, so I called AT&T about my international phone service, which sucks more than Monica Lewinsky under a White House desk, and I got a recording that told me “a disabled war veteran will answer your call.” Great. How great would it have been if he said, “Good news, gang! Is she white? I wouldn’t even have minded if it was spelled with a K. I know, it’s Christmas season and we’re Jewish and we shouldn’t care about gifts, but if indeed we did kill Christ—and I’m not saying we did; for all we know he could have slipped and fallen onto that cross (maybe he was clumsy; maybe he drank)—then something’s got to ease the guilt. This is the Diary of a Mad Diva. Usually what I hear her say is, “Is it in?”. Innocence lost. Bouncing Back : I've Survived Everything...and I Mean Everything...and You Can Too! We only made it a third of the way through this "diary" because it's simply NOT funny - seems more mean spirited and bitchy without a coating of Joan's usual clever humor. You can do a lot with blackout curtains if you’re willing to strain your brain a little and think outside the box. Penguin, Jul 1, 2014 - Biography & Autobiography - 304 pages. Reviewed in the United Kingdom on November 7, 2017. She does have a park view! Other than the FEMA earthquake management experts, who could put up with all the shaking without getting nauseous? I met him once a few years ago; he was my waiter at Denny’s. I knew her way back when she was still Bernice, before the electrolysis, the implants, the Restylane and the glass eye that almost works. And if your unfamiliar with her - where have you been? Our Mexican vacation is over and I’m back in rainy New York. I want to crank call her.”. The musings here come across as complaints from an unhappy old woman rather than interesting insights from a comedy legend. There was Teddy Roosevelt, who was some little roughrider. This is the Diary of a Mad Diva. Not for the squeamish or politically correct. 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